The Rubes

Duane
Saltzman
Crossing
Guard
After a slew of accidents involving pedestrians from the school across the street from Reuben Force Headquarters, Crossing Guard Duane Saltzman was called to active duty within the organization. Duane always had a love for keeping order in heavy traffic situatuions. After high school, Saltzman joined the police academy and became a highly decorated traffic cop in Columbus, Ohio. When he felt he had done all he could in Columbus, he drove down to Georgia, but could not find any work as a traffic cop. One day Duane saw an ad for a crossing guard in the Sunday paper, and the rest is Reuben Force history.

Jerry
Braithwaite
Contractor
Jerry Braithwaite was born in Cincinatti and worked for his father installing drywall until he was experienced enough to take over the family business himself. After making appearances on "This Old House" and "Bob Vila's Home Again", Jerry felt his line of work was getting too glamorous and decided to get out of the business of contracting. Braithwaite made a huge error in selling the company to a bunch of Turkish investors who subsequently ruined the business by mishandling money and forcing their employess to use out-of-date power tools. Discouraged by the demise of the business his father had worked so hard to make respectable, Jerry decided to save his family's good name and joined Reuben Force as their head contractor while in Atlanta for a band saw convention. Braithwaite got the job and now works closely with DEAN JOHNSON and MONTUDO on various projects.

Joe
Pinker
Plastics
Engineer
"Can I have an application?" "Can I have 500 plastic parts made for a new, innovative Reuben Force device?" "Can I have your autograph?" These are the kind of questions that you might ask Joe Pinker of Reuben Force. Joe is in charge of designing new products to make Reuben Force more effective for its clients and fans. Here are a few of Joe's best inventions:

-The Reuben Force "Pants Cannon" used annually for the Reuben Force Leg Launch.

-CASUAL COMMANDER's triple-spouted coffee pot (pours 3 different cups at once).

-DEAN JOHNSON's ergonomic hammer, with a handle comprised solely of styrofoam and banana peels.

-DIAPER VIPER's flotation "diaper".

Cobra
Bursar
Financier
Ex-Cobra Officer, Cobra Bursar looks harmless, and he is. After a successful stint as a field hockey player, a stint that was tragically cut short by two broken knees and a severely burned face, CB joined Reuben Force. A botched reconstructive surgery leaves him looking constantly happy. He is also dramatically nearsighted. Being that he was utterly useless, CB was pulled off the front lines and was placed in Reuben Force's finance department since no one else in the organization likes handling money.

Live
Worms
Desert
Trooper
Bio coming soon.

Sweet
Music
Codebreaker
For someone who uses a cereal box message decoder, Sweet Music does his job surprisingly well. Decoding all tactical information and cereal box puzzles, nothing gets past him. He has upper-body underwater skills, so he can also be employed as a diver as long as his pants don't get wet. He also has a webbed hand which helps him swim faster and pick up bulk candy more efficiently. Sweet made the mistake of wearing a Halloween mask for his I.D. photo and now has to wear it constantly or risk being thrown off the base for tresspassing. His favorite song is Martha and the Vandella's "Dancing In The Street".


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